is my worst pain, and I call it a pain because it tends to make me feel bad inside — there is nothing I can do about it, just stare at the ceiling and cry, praying to some unknown divine that I may close my eyes and sleep. The Doc hears me calling and begging for mercy, he gives me drugs. I have been prescribed Xanax now for three years running, five years off and on. It is a small dosage, .25mg, however remaining a dosage. I don’t believe this habit is truly the kindest method of controlling my sleep. After reading many journals confronting insomnia I have drawn the conclusion, unless I am manic-depressant (which of course is diagnosed by a doctor…), I am able to self-control my insomnia. Through meditation, healthy diet, exercise, and – most important – a nightly routine I may attain sleepiness without the drugs.

The downside to taking control of my insomnia is the withdrawal from the Xanax.   I have heard many gruesome stories. My dosage is low and will therefore reduce the symptoms. Unlike others who possibly could have a seizure. The symptoms for the withdrawals are mild to severe — headache, dizziness, cloudy thinking/headspace, vomiting, uncontrollable shaking, seizure, and death…(Da Da Da Dum)   Insomnia is a very real disease, and should be taken seriously. The treatment however should not consider a class 4 narcotic. In most cases sleeplessness can be dominated by self control.

I have been advised to continue the medication case by case — panic attacks seem to be a prime factor in my sleeplessness. I become afraid of sleep in fear of the attack, my mind begins to race and the whole night becomes a struggle. I am not alone, it’s disturbing how many others are sleepless as well. Statistics taken from the national sleep foundation found women tend to be more restless than men. I found the number of insomniac’s to be quite high. I ask myself why? Is it in the water, is it because of all the stress we are put under, the pressure of sustaining life by disguise of societal needs? Are we all neurotic? Why do so many suffer from insomnia?

I have just begun the process of regaining control over sleep and weaning myself from the drugs. I am not sure how this event will end, but I do hope it will end with Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz’s. I’ll say goodnight for now…